Dear Health,

It has come to our attention that you have been tardy and/or truant in our home for the past 16 months.

Case in point:

• Ryker's ongoing sickness and your total lack of appearance when needed for him.
• Ashley's chronic "feeling icky"since Ryker's birth- how dare you leave a mother to deal with your nemesis (ie Sickness)
• Dustin's coughing attacks, back-aches and terrible headaches
• Ryker's recent RSV and double ear infections (where were you?!?)
• And your most recent case of sluffing (yesterday at 9 pm)- letting both Ashley and Ryker get the stomach flu resulting in this + crying all day:

As you may know, when you are absent, this affects everyone. Our bank account is terribly dissatissfied with your service (or lack-thereof), Ashley is just plain tired due to the every 2 hour puke-fest all night long and most offensive is your total lack of respect for our little man. Ryker is a sweet boy and the presence of your company is being officially requested at all times. (I really thought that was unnecessary, aren't you supposed to come standard on all models of babies?!)

16 months is long enough to be gone on your little vacation (is Hawaii nice?) In case you forgot, we are located in a little old house in Benson...not too hard to find. Is it the house? Do you need your own room? Let me know ASAP and that can be arranged.

We hope to peacefully resolve this situation but you and Sickness are currently on the list. Be warned.

Respectfully,
Ashley, Dustin and Ryker

PS- tell your friend Sleep that his presence is also requested. Since you are BFF, I assume you are vacationing together. Thanks!